Wrecking Havoc: Shabbos in YAM – starring Retarded Boaron & Peewee

Our Yeshiva is so special, “A special Yeshiva for Special Children”, it needs a Baby-Sitter 24/7. This Shabbos Sholom Ber decided to ditch to go to Montreal for a date with Benny and obviously the Yeshiva couldn’t handle without him, Shabbos was a total disaster. From floods to flight, everything went wrong, like Murphy says: “When it rains it pours!”.

Shabbos Night went well, with Rabbi Smith catching the flu from Eilenberg’s tissues, and thereby not being able to come to Seder the next morning... but we will get back to that later... On Friday Night, someone flooded the toilet in the men’s bathroom in the basement of Young Israel hereby flooding the entire coat room with its expensive carpet and flooding part of the lunch room. It is speculated that Itzik Eilenberg was the culprit but it could not be identified.

The next morning, as mentioned above, Rabbi Smith didn’t come to Zal because he was sick. Very few people showed up for Davenning and even less actually Davenned. Since there wasn’t a Baal-Koreh everyone heard Laining upstairs. The whole time during Kriah, Shmuel Kardush was fuming, talking with Schneur about the disgust he has with the Yeshiva Bochurim who can’t run their own Minyan and have to make trouble. This was only the beginning.

After Laining, all the Bochurim went downstairs to continue Davenning, and Shmuel decided to run the Minyan, his first mistake. As he tried pointlessly to get a Minyan going with a bunch of retards, Peewee was busy having a nice conversation in the back. Shmuel then decided to send him out, his second mistake. As a result, most of the fragile Minyan he had dispersed and left the room, leaving him without a Minyan. Kaufmann represented the rebels who left and brazenly told Shmuel: “Who do you think you are to kick Bochurim out of Zal?”. Shmuel immediately left, but the Minyan was gone.

Sometime later, Retarded Boaron decided to munch on a piece of cake before Kiddush, even after the warnings from the Bochurim he still continued, ignoring everyone as a sign of his “normal” behavior. Lucky him, he didn’t go with Rabbi Berger on Mivtzoim to “Ottawa Royal Hospital”... he would’ve still been there... Anyways, moments later Rabbi Berger comes down to try to do a Minyan for Mussaf and sees Retarded Boaron munching on a piece of cake. This blew the Rabbi’s top and he took Mendy by his collar and threw him against the wall, knocking the piece of cake out of his mouth and knocking him senseless until Rabbi Berger thought the message penetrated his brains (Rabbi Berger’s mistake...).

Not long afterwards, Rabbi Berger sat down to a Farbrengen, something everyone is proud of. It’s the second week in a row the Rabbi is Farbrenging. Must be because his wife is still out of town.

FARBRENGEN HIGHLIGHTS:
* The Rabbi told Chaim Kaufmann: “You are An Ass. You didn’t learn even one אות. Why did I have to take the Hachlata to learn 10 אותיות?”
* The Rabbi promised he will bring 4 Shluchim to help Bochurim learn the Maamarim of באתי לגני. It’s being worked on.

During Shabbos, Lazer Steinberg, the second of the Steinberg Triplets walked into Zal and started accusing Retarded Boaron of placing pornography on Mrs. Steinberg’s computer and talking to girls.

Motzoei Shabbos wasn’t too different for Rabbi Berger, who was pissed off as is because of the morning fiasco, and to top it off Barnie, Tubby, Mendy Kaye, The Goldfish Twins & Yossi Morgy didn’t show up. Rabbi Berger couldn’t handle it no more and exclaimed: “I will skin those people alive. That’s if I control myself, otherwise it will be worse!”.

A few minutes later, Peewee piped up and asked Rabbi Berger if he could do Osiyos on the phone. Rabbi Berger replied: “On the phone you talk to... I will hold myself in!”