Eilenberg almost dies while escaping Wrubel’s claws

Yamamai News & Views Service

I only heard about this story once Mrs. Agulnik walked downstairs and told me: “These guys [Avi Wrubel & Itzik Eilenberg] don’t need a Psychologist, they need a Zoo Keeper”, then I turned to Avi to find out what happened and this is what he told me.

As narrated by Avi Wrubel:
“Itzik started making noises while I was trying to learn, Dr. Agulnik kept telling him to grow up and Shut-Up, but he wouldn’t Shut-Up. Then I started telling him to Shut-Up, and he still wouldn’t Shut-Up. Then I told him I would do him a favor and I will move from the table so he doesn’t disturb me and I moved to one of the chairs in the Shul, but he was still making noise. So I asked Dr. Agulnik a question about a psychologist and suddenly Itzik started saying “your mother, your mother” so I threw a Sicha-book at him, a thick book.

Dr. Agulnik started yelling at me. Then I started chasing Itzik around the Bima and the chairs in the back of the Shul, and then Dr. Agulnik screamed “I am leaving” and she left the Shul. I told Itzik “You saw what you caused? Now I want to learn I don’t want to hear all your stupid noises”. Then I picked up the big yellow stick [used to take out the light-bulbs] and hit him from all the way across the benches. At that moment, Dr. Agulnik walked back in (because she missed us so much) and started telling me how wrong I am, and didn’t tell Itzik anything, then she stayed a little bit threatening all the time that she would leave.

Itzik still wouldn’t Shut-Up, so I started shouting at him to Shut-Up, Dr. Agulnik wasn’t too happy and left a second time, so I went up to Itzik and started telling him that he should Shut-Up and let me learn, he shouldn’t distract me, then I sat down at the table to test him if he would Shut-Up, but he still didn’t. He also tried to make those stupid deals with me telling me that he will only Shut-Up if I Shut-Up, but since I am talking so I am not keeping my part of deal so he wouldn’t Shut-Up.

I got up and screamed at him “Shut-Up, don’t you understand? I want to learn!” and then proceeded to start a fight with Itzik, each of us holding a “Yad” used for the Sefer-Torah and having a sword match. At that moment, Dr. Agulnik came back again and left immediately saying “I am leaving for good this time” [until tomorrow]. Then I lost my concentration to learn. Itzik then realized what happened and tried to convince Dr. Agulnik to stay.

I then told him “Put on your WalMart coat and your American Eagle pants and get out of here” As I said it, his face started lighting up from attention, from being happy that he got attention. Then he left, so I took the big yellow stick and trying to poke him but I missed. So I put the stick back in the Shul and ran outside without my coat and started chasing him. My plan was to whitewash him.

When he realized, he started running for his life [literally for his life], and he hit a red light by Kirkwood and Switzer but he didn’t stop he ran straight thru the red light, causing ten cars to screech to a stop and honk at him, but he still kept running for his life, so I decided to stop chasing him and screamed at him “You Loser”.