SPECIAL REPORT #3: The drive BACK from Zvi’s wedding

by Sholom Ber Shuchat

As the wedding ended, all the people from our car slowly took their places in the car en-route to Sruli Weiss’ home where we would spend the night and started heading out behind Sruli who was sitting in Hudy / Motty Slater’s car. When we started driving we realized that Michael Weisz was missing, so we waited in the back for 6 minutes sending people in to check for him, scream his name, but to no avail, he is nowhere to be found. So we decided to drive away and leave him behind to walk (the 30 minute walk). When we pulled to the front we saw him casually sitting on the front stairs chillin’ with one of his friends. We called him and he immediately went in to get his jacket.

He exited 20 minutes later holding his jacket, claiming he was held by Zvi’s father who was talking to him about Yeshiva. We didn’t believe it, but let it go, for Michael was drunk and tired, and words of a tiresome drunkie at 1:00am don’t really count...

Anyways, we dropped Chaim Kaufmann (who replaced Yossi Morgenstien for the ride back) in Yeshiva and headed to Sruli’s house to spend the night. We decided that we will depart at 7am to be able to make it back on time to Ottawa to return the car.

The next morning I woke up at 8:45am to the noise of my phone ringing with Chaim trying to figure out why we hadn’t yet come to pick him up, as he was waiting outside Yeshiva for us... Poor him, he froze his balls in the bitter cold.

Anyways, we finally headed out of Morristown at 10:45am and started driving. The ride was a very smooth one for the most of it, as we didn’t pass thru any snowstorms for the first 6 hours of driving. Once we hit Syracuse we saw the signs saying “Watch out for Heavy Snow from Pulasky to Watertown”. As we passed Pulasky we were greeted by a fierce snowstorm starting to form, covering the road with a thick layer of snow. We decided to take a short stop in Watertown and visit the Getz family which serves as parents to some of our Bochurim (Mendy Kaye & Michoel Weisz between others). Mendy called Mrs. Getz and she told him to buy tomatoes and eggs and head to the house for supper.

As we entered Watertown we were greeted by a worse scene than that of the highway, with snow-covered streets which went unplowed. We got lost twice thanks to conflicting directions by Mendy Kaye & Michoel Weisz. We managed to test out the skid control of the Lincoln by skidding on the snow while making a turn.

Anyways, we made it to the house where Mendy Kaye prepared a Gourmet Salad for us, and Michoel prepared some scrambled eggs with mushrooms. Mrs. Getz presented us with soup and salmon.

Mendy Kaye preparing the famous "Mendy's" salad

After some time, we headed back to the road, filling up gas in the cheapest gas station in the Adirondacks, and heading back to the snail-paced drive on Highway 81. The next few miles were easy going until we reached the border.

Chaim Kaufmann enjoying the warm Watertown weather at the Watertown Gas Station, the Cheapest in the state of New York ($2.23/gallon)

At the border checkpoint we were asked if we were carrying any weapons to which someone replied that we have some “Pringles” canisters which can be used as weapons (Michael Weisz can prove it... He damaged a window with an empty Pringles canister). When we were asked if we are carrying money over 10.000 CAD someone we unanimously replied “We wish”.

After looking at Mendy Kaye we were sent to the side to get our car x-rayed by a special x-ray truck to make sure we weren’t bringing in any bombs.

Later on it was discovered that the Border Patrol has received notification of Gersh’s imminent arrival to Canada and were scared that weapons were coming in for terrorizing the peaceful “Country of Quebec”.

The dumb Canadians who were manning the mobile x-ray truck didn’t quite get cop classes and weren’t able to direct traffic, they made me move to the right, then to the left and then finally the hand motion was clear that we should move forward and park behind the next car. We were ordered to exit the car and head behind the cones and start counting till the bomb explodes... We notified the border patrol that we were due to return the car at 7pm (it was already 7:40pm) and they said we should tell them “you were stopped by the border”. That answer didn’t suffice the Schvartze who took the car at Avis.

The Mobile X-Ray truck

We continued to Canada, driving at normal speeds [except for a short surge of speeding to 178kmh (see here for video of speeding and here for video of slowing down] and arriving at Ottawa 2 ½ hours late.

After I parked the car in the Avis parking lot in Ottawa International Airport (YOW) I walked to the counter and was greeted by Ken, who happily announced to everybody that I brought back the 60.000 dollar car back in one piece. Everybody there was very happy, especially considering the fact that I have wrecked a car from that specific location earlier...

Afterwards I walked out to wait for Michael to pick me up and was greeted by a nice Schvartze who works in Avis who was VERY HAPPY to find out that I brought the car back in shape without any scratches.

I forgot to mention that since I already did three “official” rentals from Avis, I am entitled to a free two-day weekend rental from Avis. The coupon is due to arrive for me any day. I could sure make use of another Lincoln in the future...